"I am surrendering to the gravity and the unknown - catch me, heal me, lift me back up to the sun - I choose to live"

-gravity -- a perfect circle

i want it to be summer again. i know that nebraska winters aren't really over until mid march, but i don't care. don't get me wrong, i love snow. untouched snow is probally one of the most beautiful things i've ever seen. i'd just rather be barefoot having the sun kiss my face and conversing with the butterflies. i'm not meant to be indoors all the time. i hate the feeling of being cooped up.

i've began to notice whenever i take a moment to pause and look at something or realize that something is off that i'm some how going to be a part of it. i know it sounds confusing, but i'll explain it a little bit more.

like the apartment building i'm in. before i moved i didn't have a deck or patio so i didn't really need to look at other decks around me. a few months ago i noticed that there were two decks right on top of each other that were completely different colors than all the other decks around this building. now that i've moved, i realized that i live in one of the apartments with the odd deck. i can't really think of any other examples right now cuz i'm tired, but i don't think that's just a coincidence. it sounds crazy i know, but i can't even fully explain it myself.

i've been having a bunch of new realizations lately. it's strange, really. i'm usually quiet and i pay attention, soaking things in so i realize more than most people. now it's more of a quieting of my inner self and having epiphanies about me. there's been things i've been questioning myself on for a long time now, and the answers are just now popping out of the wood work.

it's crazy deep shit. i think i might possibly be starting to see a new side of myself.

... i think i like it.

ten days later...

i've been super busy with moving, so that's why i haven't been on here. (not that anyone really reads anyways...)

yesterday was pickle's 2nd birthday. we had a big dinner for him, followed by puppy cake. us humans decided to not partake, even though mister greedy pants didn't offer.

it's actually starting to snow outside. i didn't think we'd get any. it was fifty degrees outside around 10 last night. for anyone who knows nebraska weather, you know that's just plain messed up.

our trip to little rock isn't that far away. i have to face my fear of flying again this year. i don't cry or anything but i do go into silent hysterics. the idea of breathing recycled air that's shared with other people for a few hours sicks me out. when i was on a plane back in may some dude farted and you could smell it the entire trip. fuuucked up. yeah, i don't like planes.