12 hours traveling, only 4 actually moving.

i'm in little rock right now with ben's family. needless to say, i still hate planes.

i forgot how much fun it was watching little kids open presents.

lesson of the day: putting garlic on easy mac makes it taste a million times better.

"I am surrendering to the gravity and the unknown - catch me, heal me, lift me back up to the sun - I choose to live"

-gravity -- a perfect circle

i want it to be summer again. i know that nebraska winters aren't really over until mid march, but i don't care. don't get me wrong, i love snow. untouched snow is probally one of the most beautiful things i've ever seen. i'd just rather be barefoot having the sun kiss my face and conversing with the butterflies. i'm not meant to be indoors all the time. i hate the feeling of being cooped up.

i've began to notice whenever i take a moment to pause and look at something or realize that something is off that i'm some how going to be a part of it. i know it sounds confusing, but i'll explain it a little bit more.

like the apartment building i'm in. before i moved i didn't have a deck or patio so i didn't really need to look at other decks around me. a few months ago i noticed that there were two decks right on top of each other that were completely different colors than all the other decks around this building. now that i've moved, i realized that i live in one of the apartments with the odd deck. i can't really think of any other examples right now cuz i'm tired, but i don't think that's just a coincidence. it sounds crazy i know, but i can't even fully explain it myself.

i've been having a bunch of new realizations lately. it's strange, really. i'm usually quiet and i pay attention, soaking things in so i realize more than most people. now it's more of a quieting of my inner self and having epiphanies about me. there's been things i've been questioning myself on for a long time now, and the answers are just now popping out of the wood work.

it's crazy deep shit. i think i might possibly be starting to see a new side of myself.

... i think i like it.

best night i've had in forever

tonight was awesome. serious, silly, energy filled, fun. you guys are the best unconventional family. :)

i am woman, hear me roar!!

i changed my first tire today in snowy 13 degree weather. :) well, ben helped some, but still. lol

i tried a new chocolate cake recipe. i can honestly say i think it sucked balls. i think i'll stick to my old tried and true standby.

walrus courtesy of http://www.nataliedee.com/

she's pretty much a genius.

ten days later...

i've been super busy with moving, so that's why i haven't been on here. (not that anyone really reads anyways...)

yesterday was pickle's 2nd birthday. we had a big dinner for him, followed by puppy cake. us humans decided to not partake, even though mister greedy pants didn't offer.

it's actually starting to snow outside. i didn't think we'd get any. it was fifty degrees outside around 10 last night. for anyone who knows nebraska weather, you know that's just plain messed up.

our trip to little rock isn't that far away. i have to face my fear of flying again this year. i don't cry or anything but i do go into silent hysterics. the idea of breathing recycled air that's shared with other people for a few hours sicks me out. when i was on a plane back in may some dude farted and you could smell it the entire trip. fuuucked up. yeah, i don't like planes.

yay moving!!

after all of this flooding bullshit with my apartment, they've given the go ahead for us to transfer no strings attached. :) shouldn't be too bad cuz it's only one door step over. well, that and three floors up. :D

finally a one bedroom! you don't even have to listen to the other person breathing in the "other room!" lol

i sign the new lease on saturday and we've got a week to move. now i've got to do that whole address change junk again, find out how to transfer cable/internet services and all that fun jazz.

lesson of the day: i sometimes look older than i think i do.

a woman came up to me at target today thinking i was someone she went to school with. she was probally early to mid thirties at oldest. i had to laugh though because i'm almost 21. maybe her friend looked young for her age. (or i just looked older cuz i had just gotten off work, my hair was shitty, and i looked a mess...)she happened to be a mary kay representative and asked if i'd do a modeling thingy for her. i agreed, so at some point in time she's supposed to call me for that whole thing. i just hope it doesn't turn out like that whole hair show. ugh. if i ever try to do something like that again, just smack me.

i was at work for so long i could sneeze out curly fries.

work makes me tired. not just physically tired, but more mentally/emotionally tired.

do you ever feel like that?
it's pretty much a fucked up situation.

lesson of the day: my dog is down right fucking amazing.

ok, so i already knew that, but still. he woke me up at 5:30 this morning kissing the crap out of my back, face, and ears. he decided he wanted some loving and didn't care if i was sleeping. it's all good though. i'd rub that little tummy any time. :)

i delete toilets! ...... what?!

i had another strange dream. i was in my old house down in florence with my mom and sister. i was still the same age i am now. for some reason our kitchen was an arbys drive thru. i was yelling to my mom and sister to help me because someone was in drive thru but no one would get up and help me. there was a bunch of cars in line and i was taking orders, making food, and cashing. finally my mom comes out and starts making food, but it was for herself.


i'm not one hundred percent sure what to make of this one. that was the first houses i lived in. A lot of fights, abuse and also good times happened there. the fact that it was turned into my place of work freaks me out a little. i can only begin to imagine what that says about my job. (like i didn't already know.) i could see my mom being the boss, but i don't really know what that says about mine.

i've been thinking a ton lately of what i want to do with my life. i don't think i can stand arbys much longer. (as this dream will probally show you.) so i'm just waiting for some sort of answer to smack me in the face.

ben gave me an early present. he got me the sims 2 free time expansion pack. yay!! :)

lesson of the day: danish butter cookies make a kick ass breakfast.

tying little knots in the grass...

i want to be outdoors; i don't give a shit how cold it is.

i want to cover myself in paint and dance in a drum circle. i want to bathe in a natural spring.

i need to do something completely unlike myself, out of my comfort range.

i'm sick of everything being so mundane.



i need an adventure.

finally, a day off.

i don't know if you've ever heard of post secret, but it's got to be one of the most genius things ever. people make little post cards with secrets on them and mail them to this guy who makes books and has a website featuring these secrets. people are always quick to point out differences, but hardly ever notice their similarities with other people. i think this website helps to clear that road block. sometimes a secret might seem like a huge thing that only you know, but it could also be shared with a million other people in the world.

i've always been tempted to send in a secret of mine, but the question is, which one? i have secrets that i haven't even discovered yet, or i'm just now starting to confront. i don't know that i would even know where to begin. i've seen post cards that hit me in the face like, "holy shit, i could've sent that in." i just wonder if there's a secret of mine that would affect anyone else like that. i know that the whole process is also completely anonymous, but i also half worry that someone would figure out it was my secret. some things are just meant to be secrets, you know? what's meant to be, will be i suppose.

the season finale of true blood is on tonight. i'm super excited to see what happens. i started reading the book series a few days ago. i've been reading slow because i know that the book is obviously different from the show. i don't really want to ruin either for me. i ran across some spoilers last night. i wanted to stick my fingers in my ears and scream "la la la laaa!!" but obviously my hand told my brain to shut the fuck up and clicked the page. so the story is half ruined for me, but maybe the director will take a different route from the books.

so i decided on the present i'm getting myself for yule this year. it's a bath tub caddy thingy. i read in the tub a lot and anyone who does that know it's a pain in the ass. so this has spots to put your book, a glass of wine, and random spots for other things. i'm super excited. i'm probally gonna get it tomorrow. i've already started wrapping presents. i'm super excited for yule this year.

lesson of the day: if you want it done right, or at all, do it yourself.

musical eye junk... this could get interesting.

i had the most disgusting dream last night. girls can relate to this first part a little. you know when you wear dark makeup and you get that grey junk next to your tear duct? well that's how the dream started out.

i saw some of that gunk so i wiped it out of my eye. i realized that when i did that i could feel it moving in my head. so i saw more and pulled a bit more out. after i pulled a little more i realized it was changing form. it looked like wet rolled up cat hair mixed with carpet. i just kept pulling this weird rope of junk out of my eyes realizing it was relieving pressure in my head. i was so grossed out i couldn't stop pulling it out of my eyes. i eventually started scratching and ripping my eyes out.

i've figured out what the dream means, but i'm open to interpretations that anyone else has.

lesson of the day: when you're having any sort of problems or are frustrated with anything, pay even more attention to your surroundings. sometimes clues are given to help us out and come up with answers or suggestions as to what to do.

i dragged my ass into work today bright and early. not really being a morning person i have a hard time opening. being overall frustrated with a lot of things right now didn't really help the situation. we had the radio on for most of the morning, but about 10 min til open two of my fave songs came on. not only were they two really good songs, but they also had great meaning to me. the first was "i'm yours" by jason mraz. the second was "white flag" by dido. if you're not familiar with these songs feel free to look them up online.

hearing those songs right before we turned the radio off made me realize that things would be ok, if only for the moment.

my best friend and i having a cuddle

wax paper makes it go faster...

i've been watching an ass load of true blood over the internet lately. i'm super heavy into the story line. after watching an entire season in about 4 days, i've come to the conclusion that i want a vampire boyfriend. i don't wanna be what they call a "fang banger" someone who just has sex with vampires. from what i've seen, they can be down right passionate. i know this sounds odd, and chances are vampires probally aren't real, but damn.

on the subject of passion, i feel that i've got a huge lacking of it in my life right now. i wouldn't go as far to say that i hate my job, but i'm starting to go down that path. i feel that some of the few relationships i have with people aren't that great anymore. there's nothing new in my life, it's just so bleh. just about everything in my life feels so ridiculously ho-hum right now. i can't stand it. usually my ass is on fire about something going on in life but it's like i'm sitting in a bucket of ice or something. i think i'm just on one of my downhills i have every now and then. though i can't say i totally hate it. i honestly feel more inspired and creative this way. (not that i couldn't be normally.) i'm fucked up, i know.

lesson of the day:

if someone is having a bad day or just being a bossy little prick, don't say anything at all. if you do, be positive towards them so they realize what an ass they're being.

it's not like i didn't already know this lesson, but it seems to be much more prevalent in my life these days. though really, i don't know that being nice is getting me too far. it seems the people around me are meaner than they actually realize.

by the way, pickles has been on my lap helping me write this. woot woot for the weiner dog! he's the best friend i could've ever asked for. (minus the random poop on the floor.)

a friend had taken this picture of pickles. needless to say, pickles is a nosy dog.

lessons

learning is a huge part of being a human. we have to learn to talk, walk, and about damn near everything else that we do. sometimes we learn things that have great outcomes like a wedding or how to tie a shoelace. occasionally something bad comes of it such as your girlfriend breaking up with you or that ranch doesn't really go well with everything. there is always a reason why something has been brought into your life though you might not know the reason just yet. i think the most amazing thing about learning is that you're never really done doing it, even up until the day you die.

that is why i have made the decision to try and post a lesson i have learned for the day. sometimes it may be something trivial or something devastating. i may not make it on here everyday for the simple fact that sometimes i don't have time, or don't feel like it.

so, here goes starting an eye opening journey for myself, and maybe others....

today i learned: if you're craving mountian dew, vault really isn't second best. (i knew i should've gone with the coke.)

if it was warm enough for a butterfly, i'm sure one would've appeared.

there's a chill in the air outside, the grass half frozen. i look up to the night sky staring - trying to find some sort of answer to my problems in the blanket of clouds. all of a sudden the full moon is playing peek-a-boo with me. she's flirting with the clouds. i let out a laugh. how dare i think i was alone. i took a seat on the earth, and within seconds i found myself sprawling out reverse hugging the ground. the clouds continued covering her face, contorting the beams she was trying to send to me. luna and i conversed through the clouds for what seemed like hours without exchanging a verbal word. in reality only 15 minutes had passed. everytime i took a breath, silver misty light filled my lungs replacing the black, blue and red that had filled me. i no longer felt like myself. it was as if i had taken on something or someone new. completely overpowered i closed my eyes, and took a deep breath. as i opened my eyes a very faint tingle brushed my face. i looked back up realizing all the clouds had completely stopped moving leaving the moon exposed for almost an entire minute. a huge calm, sense of life, and a newly found awareness washed over my entire being. the wet grass i had been laying on wasn't just plain old grass anymore, it was alive. it danced under my fingers when i brushed my hand against it to pick myself up off the ground. i had looked down for a brief second to take a closer look at the grass. just as i turned my gaze upward to give luna my gratitude the sky began to shift back into the unrecognizable shades of blues and greys it had been when i first arrived in the field.

sick of myspace blogging, so here i am!

my name's krista. i live with my boyfriend, ben, and our weiner dog, pickles. we've also got a bunny named joey (after joey ramone), and a few fish. i'm cupcake obsessed. i've got 3 tattoos and a bunch of piercings. i don't really ever capitalize anything or spell that well, but i'm usually an asshole about punctation.

i'll probally post cupcake experiments/recipes from time to time. maybe some pictures of junk. random bitchings.


who knows?

ben and i on vacation this summer. we both look kind of odd but it's the only one i've got where we both aren't doing something retarded with our faces.

this cute little fucker would be our dog, pickles.