Where you stumble, there lies your treasure.

it's been a week, i know. i didn't die. i swear. (blogging from the grave... heh.)

quite the opposite really. i feel like i'm starting to live life for the first time. things were only in black and white a few years ago. then i started seeing pastel like handcolored old time photos. now it's ridiculously bright colors and hues i can't even begin to describe.

i was given an amazing book that has really been speaking to me. one thing that smacked me upside the head was this:

"If you want the whole thing, the gods will give it to you. But you must be ready for it."

- Joseph Campbell

i used to think i was ready for anything and everything. in reality i wasn't. the things i thought real were just mock trial versions of what was to come.

so am i ready now? really ready? do i want it? really really want it?

oh, yes, god. more than ever.

give my gun away when it's loaded

i finished a book tonight. it's the first of the true blood series. i decided that it's going to be one of my guilty pleasure bathtub reads.

music speaks to me a lot, especially lately. i've been really hooked on the gardenstate soundtrack, damien rice, and older HIM stuff. damien rice's cd "9" has really been speaking to me these last couple days.

i did a birth chart earlier today. i was pretty amused with the results. my sun sign is pisces (duh), my ascendant is leo, and my moon is virgo.

work in a few hours. think i should sleep? probally so.

cinnamon crunch bagel with cocoa

i find it amusing that sometimes the secrets that we keep don't always just apply to ourselves.

imagine my surprise...

we live in a beautiful world - in case you didn't know.

i've been finding inspiration in some of the most strange places lately. my most recent is magnetic poetry. i could sit there forever endlessly creating sentences; flowing one word to the next.

"take me this summer night - think after the moon bounds across the sky - leaving for the sun to live."

lately i feel a lot more complex than normal. the best way i feel i can describe it is like being a calm river with a really strong current underneath. i feel so serene on the surface, but inside i'm raging, stuck inside my own whirlpool. it's not bad, just intense. i've been so stuck in my head lately. everyone is right, i do over analyze. though, i haven't really decided if that's good or bad just yet.

the best advice i've gotten recently is "follow your bliss." my only problem is, what is it? i think i have an idea, but you can never be so sure of things.

"lovers who kill each other now blame it on the wind."

white oleander by janet fitch is my all time favorite book. it's poetic; complicated in the most simple ways. the imagery in the book is beautiful. i've been skimming though it the last couple nights, so i thought i'd share some of my favorite quotes.

"so i just rode, the ocean spray tingling all over me, the tide rising, filled with starfish and phosphorescence, into the dawn."

"the best you'll ever do is to understand yourself, know what it is that you want, and not let the cattle stand in your way."

"the phoenix must burn to emerge."

"he was taking my silence but giving me something in return, a fullness of being recognized. i felt beautiful, but also interrupted. i wasn't used to being so complicated."

sucked into the undertow

my current food obsession is annie's bunny graham friends and annie's cheddar bunnies. they are close to the most amazing thing to me right now. it's sad, i know.

i went to a birthday party for my friend's kid. he turns eight tomorrow, i think. he's a little pimp in the making. he asked me to be his girlfriend and wanted to know if he could have a kiss on the cheek for his birthday. who am i to tell a cute little boy no?

i cannot wait until pay day. mamma needs to laundry hxc.

i've had a really eventful last two-ish weeks. i joined a new group, i traveled, i've made a new really good friend. it's awesome. through these events i've learned a lot about myself i guess i didn't really realize. i think it's amazing that you can be yourself, but not realize how you tick and why. or that things you thought you believed before, you really don't. it's stranger than shit, but i love every second of it.

lesson of the day:
this is another lesson that isn't really new, but something that should always be taught to those who haven't figured it out...

follow your heart. trust your instincts.

i've found that sometimes thinking is overrated. trying to rationalize something that you "just know" isn't always the best thing to do. i know i've kicked myself in the ass a good million times for not going with my gut feeling. no matter how small and silly you think it is, or could be - just do it. shit doesn't always turn out 100%, but what does in this world? if there was anyone in this world i'd trust the most, it would have to be myself, if only for the fact of following my heart. i'm not trying to be an arrogant ass or anything, but you don't always have friends to bounce ideas off of or google to check the facts. in the end of it all, all you really only have yourself. not saying that i don't appreciate my friends, but if you think about it, that's how it truly is.


marriedtothesea.com

the phoenix says... the devil says...

lesson of the day:

vibrating razors aren't really better than regular ones. i've come to the conclusion they're just sex toys for people who are too fucking prude to go out and buy that huge fake dong that they really want.