It's almost halloween!!

samhain is about a week away. i'm super stoked cuz my friend meghan is going to join us for the celebrations. it'll be interesting to see how the energy in the house is different with new faces and on a night as important as samhain.

for the last few weeks, i've been working at a old fashioned soda fountian downtown. it's super mom and pop, and i like it that way. i only work 3 hours at a time about 3 times a week, but an extra 50 bucks really helps with buying groceries. as for paying bills, that's a different story. there doesn't seem to be any other jobs in this town right now, so a little job like this will be just fine. concidering i was unemployed for 6 months, this is a huge step in the right direction.

my newest drink obsession is butterfinger hot chocolate. it tastes exactly how you think it would. it's amazing and a half.

i really need to be more disciplined on blogging. it seems i'm on here only once a month. i guess this thing really has taken a backseat since i've started a paper journal. though, never fear! i'll still update. i just seem to need to kick myself in the ass to remember.

first day of fall

today is the starting of my favorite season. it's got pumpkins, halloween, apples, pumpkin patches, costumes, makeup, ghosts, candy, hay rack rides, scary movies and a zillion other things. how can you not love it? when i went outside this morning it seemed almost as if our big oak was like, "what? fall's here?!" then WOOMF! like 200 leaves fell from it. i'm sad gardening season comes to a close seeing as that's what kept me busy all summer. no worries though because, duh... it'll be back.

steve and i have been talking a lot about different deep kinds of topics lately. the one that seems to be plaguing my mind is, how do you show someone something that they can't grasp? you can show someone how to climb a tree, the right places to put their feet, but that doesn't give them the strength to grab the next limb. how do you boost them? how do you show someone to overcome an obstacle that's inside themselves? is it even possible?



this post secret is messed up, but the horrible thing is i could almost see why she did it. it's a great show. fucked up humor for some reason tends to be my favorite.



aren't we all? :)



something very true we all should remember.

Head in the trash can; feet in the dog's mouth.

my mouth tastes like puke, my head hurts and everything keeps moving around every time i turn my head. i'm insanely hungover right now which for some reason makes me want fried bologna. i was told i went outside buttass naked and peed on the sidewalk while the dogs were out using the bathroom. oh. my. god. at least it was dark outside.

this is one of the moments in life you're glad you can laugh at yourself.

The rolling stone gathers no moss, that's why I'm not green... but I'm working on it.

with the massive amounts of change that have come about in my life, having internet was part of it. over the last 8-9 months a ton has happened. i'm not about to try to do a detailed recap of it all.

the basic overview is this:
i had my birthday.
i've had many an adventure in gardening and home renovations.
i've become much closer to my circle friends.
steve and i have experienced some of the many ups and downs of relationships.


nothing too exciting, really. i've recently started talking to old friends from school. i know it's not too long ago considering my age, but it feels like ages to me. looking back the people i talked to everyday at school hardly contact me, but now the people i didn't talk to often are going out of their way to see how i'm doing. i haven't fully decided if it's completely out of caring or simply for the "juicy" shit (for which i'm always seeming to produce) to spread back to the others of the tribe.

i feel like i've been floating in between worlds for a while. most the people my age don't seem to be where i am at the present time. it seems so many are concerned with he said she said bullshit, some are holding up their "badass" shield so others don't see how bad they feel about themselves. They have work tomorrow morning but it's ok if they have 10 shots anyway. it's all party, carefree, she's wearing the same thing as me totally superfical stuff that i don't give a rat's ass about. the few others not in that boat have marriages and children. i'm in that world in between, just sitting and watching them. people watching from the ether.

i've figured out what i want to do with my life at the present moment, just waiting for the ball to get rolling. i keep pushing, and pushing, but i have this feeling that those above have their finger on the other side waiting for the right time to let me go.

with more years, come more fears, tears, and soapboxes to stand on.

huge changes in my life have recently happened. ben and i broke up, i started seeing someone new and i once again am inspired.

i spend a lot of my time cleaning and helping steve work on the house. it's really fun to learn about renovations, especially on old houses.

i've been getting back into my photography. i'm so excited i'm inspired to do artsy things again. i guess all it took was being happy with where i was in life and having a person that motivates and encourages what i like to do and understands it.

the sun just rose, it's a brand new day.

when boredom takes over...

A
- Available: for what?

- Age: almost 21 :)

- Annoyance: i want this awesome smoothie i had in chicago, that i've yet to find a good replica of here in omaha.

- Animal: weiner dog.


B
- Beer: none.

- Birthday: march 3rd

- Best feeling in world: being completely and 100% loved

- Blind or Deaf: deaf

- Best weather: warm and rainy

- Been on stage? oh yeah

- Believe in Santa: no


C
- Candy: yes, please... to just about any kind.

- Color: pink is my fave

- Chocolate/Vanilla: chocolate if i had to pick, but i'm more of a twist girl

- Chinese/Mexican: like food? chinese

- Cake or pie: cupcakes
- Cheese: string.


D
- Day or Night: night.

- Dance in the rain: hell yes

- Diets: i'm on the seefood diet. seefood, eat it.


E
- Eyes: i like complicated irises.

- Everyone has: a reason

- Ever failed a class?: yeah


F
- Full name: krista anne mayo

- First thoughts waking up: i tend to realize how i'm feeling. sometimes it's a really awesome comfortable feeling or it's a nasty wtf i hate life feeling. lol

- Food: pasta and potatoes.


G
- Greatest Fear: really deep water

- Goals: to stay true and be happy doing it.

- Gum: the good kind.

- Get along with your parents: yeah

- Good luck charm: a necklace


H
- Hair Color: a calico mix of browns

- Happy: yeah

- Holiday: Halloween

- How do you want to die: no idea. some really cool way

- Ice Cream: gelato. mmmmm.


I
- Instrument: clarinet


J
- Jewelry: love it. silver is my fave

- Job: arbys

- Journal much: yeah i try


K
- Kids: 2 or 3

- Kickboxing or karate: kickboxing

- K9 or Feline: i like both


L
- Longest Car Ride: tennesee or alabama. they both took fucking forever.

- Love: is amazing

- Letter: i lettered in drama in highschool

- Laughed so hard you cried: i did that yesterday


M
- Movies: love them.

- Music: acoustic or electro usually

- Motion sickness: sometimes

- McD’s or BK: i'm tied.


N
- Number of Siblings: 1

- Number of Piercings: i'm not counting. too many.

- Number of Tattoos: 3

- Number: 3, 13


0
- One wish: money

- Only the young: can cry their way to free candy


P
- Perfect Pizza: cheese with ranch sauce


Q
- Quote: something to do w/a shopping cart. it was hilarious.

R-
- Reason to cry: none

- Reality TV: kinda blows.

- Radio Station: don't really listen much

- Roll your tongue in a circle: yep


S
- Song: i like a lot of songs.

- Salad Dressing: italian or ranch.

- Sushi: nah
- Skipped school: mhm

- Smoked: not cigs

- Skinny dipped: yes

- Sing well: i can

- Showers: usually. lol i like baths better.

- Swear: too much.

- Strawberries/Blueberries: strawberries


T
- Time for bed: whenever i fall asleep


U
- Unpredictable: life

- Under my bed: clothes

- Ugliest thing you own: i have some ugly dishes i don't like.


V
- Vacation spot: anywhere

- Vacuuming: i love doing it.

W
- Weakness: food.

- Which friend acts like you: i share small similarites with a few people.

- Worst feeling: fear

- Where do we go when we die: we're recycled like plastic bottles. duh.

- Worst Weather: snow you can't drive in


X
- X-Rays: mhm

- Xerox any body parts?: who hasn't?


Y
-Yes,: i'd love to have some candy.

-Yellow: is a happy color.


Z
- Zoo animal: giraffe

LAST PERSON WHO…
1.
Slept in a bed beside you: my doggie pants.

2.You went to the mall with: i'm going to shadowlake with steve tonight


3. You went to dinner with: steve


4.You talked to on the phone: ben


5. Made you laugh: alisha


6.Hugged you: ben


7.Said they loved you: mom


8.You spoke with: ben


9. Made you mad: work


10.Made you cry: myself

yesterday

"Love is exactly as strong as life."

i have no doubt of that, at all, whatsoever.



yesterday i took another pathway on the road of life. i've taken a similar route before, but i can't help but thinking this one will actually get me where i'm going.

Where you stumble, there lies your treasure.

it's been a week, i know. i didn't die. i swear. (blogging from the grave... heh.)

quite the opposite really. i feel like i'm starting to live life for the first time. things were only in black and white a few years ago. then i started seeing pastel like handcolored old time photos. now it's ridiculously bright colors and hues i can't even begin to describe.

i was given an amazing book that has really been speaking to me. one thing that smacked me upside the head was this:

"If you want the whole thing, the gods will give it to you. But you must be ready for it."

- Joseph Campbell

i used to think i was ready for anything and everything. in reality i wasn't. the things i thought real were just mock trial versions of what was to come.

so am i ready now? really ready? do i want it? really really want it?

oh, yes, god. more than ever.

give my gun away when it's loaded

i finished a book tonight. it's the first of the true blood series. i decided that it's going to be one of my guilty pleasure bathtub reads.

music speaks to me a lot, especially lately. i've been really hooked on the gardenstate soundtrack, damien rice, and older HIM stuff. damien rice's cd "9" has really been speaking to me these last couple days.

i did a birth chart earlier today. i was pretty amused with the results. my sun sign is pisces (duh), my ascendant is leo, and my moon is virgo.

work in a few hours. think i should sleep? probally so.

cinnamon crunch bagel with cocoa

i find it amusing that sometimes the secrets that we keep don't always just apply to ourselves.

imagine my surprise...

we live in a beautiful world - in case you didn't know.

i've been finding inspiration in some of the most strange places lately. my most recent is magnetic poetry. i could sit there forever endlessly creating sentences; flowing one word to the next.

"take me this summer night - think after the moon bounds across the sky - leaving for the sun to live."

lately i feel a lot more complex than normal. the best way i feel i can describe it is like being a calm river with a really strong current underneath. i feel so serene on the surface, but inside i'm raging, stuck inside my own whirlpool. it's not bad, just intense. i've been so stuck in my head lately. everyone is right, i do over analyze. though, i haven't really decided if that's good or bad just yet.

the best advice i've gotten recently is "follow your bliss." my only problem is, what is it? i think i have an idea, but you can never be so sure of things.

"lovers who kill each other now blame it on the wind."

white oleander by janet fitch is my all time favorite book. it's poetic; complicated in the most simple ways. the imagery in the book is beautiful. i've been skimming though it the last couple nights, so i thought i'd share some of my favorite quotes.

"so i just rode, the ocean spray tingling all over me, the tide rising, filled with starfish and phosphorescence, into the dawn."

"the best you'll ever do is to understand yourself, know what it is that you want, and not let the cattle stand in your way."

"the phoenix must burn to emerge."

"he was taking my silence but giving me something in return, a fullness of being recognized. i felt beautiful, but also interrupted. i wasn't used to being so complicated."

sucked into the undertow

my current food obsession is annie's bunny graham friends and annie's cheddar bunnies. they are close to the most amazing thing to me right now. it's sad, i know.

i went to a birthday party for my friend's kid. he turns eight tomorrow, i think. he's a little pimp in the making. he asked me to be his girlfriend and wanted to know if he could have a kiss on the cheek for his birthday. who am i to tell a cute little boy no?

i cannot wait until pay day. mamma needs to laundry hxc.

i've had a really eventful last two-ish weeks. i joined a new group, i traveled, i've made a new really good friend. it's awesome. through these events i've learned a lot about myself i guess i didn't really realize. i think it's amazing that you can be yourself, but not realize how you tick and why. or that things you thought you believed before, you really don't. it's stranger than shit, but i love every second of it.

lesson of the day:
this is another lesson that isn't really new, but something that should always be taught to those who haven't figured it out...

follow your heart. trust your instincts.

i've found that sometimes thinking is overrated. trying to rationalize something that you "just know" isn't always the best thing to do. i know i've kicked myself in the ass a good million times for not going with my gut feeling. no matter how small and silly you think it is, or could be - just do it. shit doesn't always turn out 100%, but what does in this world? if there was anyone in this world i'd trust the most, it would have to be myself, if only for the fact of following my heart. i'm not trying to be an arrogant ass or anything, but you don't always have friends to bounce ideas off of or google to check the facts. in the end of it all, all you really only have yourself. not saying that i don't appreciate my friends, but if you think about it, that's how it truly is.


marriedtothesea.com

the phoenix says... the devil says...

lesson of the day:

vibrating razors aren't really better than regular ones. i've come to the conclusion they're just sex toys for people who are too fucking prude to go out and buy that huge fake dong that they really want.

12 hours traveling, only 4 actually moving.

i'm in little rock right now with ben's family. needless to say, i still hate planes.

i forgot how much fun it was watching little kids open presents.

lesson of the day: putting garlic on easy mac makes it taste a million times better.

"I am surrendering to the gravity and the unknown - catch me, heal me, lift me back up to the sun - I choose to live"

-gravity -- a perfect circle

i want it to be summer again. i know that nebraska winters aren't really over until mid march, but i don't care. don't get me wrong, i love snow. untouched snow is probally one of the most beautiful things i've ever seen. i'd just rather be barefoot having the sun kiss my face and conversing with the butterflies. i'm not meant to be indoors all the time. i hate the feeling of being cooped up.

i've began to notice whenever i take a moment to pause and look at something or realize that something is off that i'm some how going to be a part of it. i know it sounds confusing, but i'll explain it a little bit more.

like the apartment building i'm in. before i moved i didn't have a deck or patio so i didn't really need to look at other decks around me. a few months ago i noticed that there were two decks right on top of each other that were completely different colors than all the other decks around this building. now that i've moved, i realized that i live in one of the apartments with the odd deck. i can't really think of any other examples right now cuz i'm tired, but i don't think that's just a coincidence. it sounds crazy i know, but i can't even fully explain it myself.

i've been having a bunch of new realizations lately. it's strange, really. i'm usually quiet and i pay attention, soaking things in so i realize more than most people. now it's more of a quieting of my inner self and having epiphanies about me. there's been things i've been questioning myself on for a long time now, and the answers are just now popping out of the wood work.

it's crazy deep shit. i think i might possibly be starting to see a new side of myself.

... i think i like it.

best night i've had in forever

tonight was awesome. serious, silly, energy filled, fun. you guys are the best unconventional family. :)

i am woman, hear me roar!!

i changed my first tire today in snowy 13 degree weather. :) well, ben helped some, but still. lol

i tried a new chocolate cake recipe. i can honestly say i think it sucked balls. i think i'll stick to my old tried and true standby.

walrus courtesy of http://www.nataliedee.com/

she's pretty much a genius.

ten days later...

i've been super busy with moving, so that's why i haven't been on here. (not that anyone really reads anyways...)

yesterday was pickle's 2nd birthday. we had a big dinner for him, followed by puppy cake. us humans decided to not partake, even though mister greedy pants didn't offer.

it's actually starting to snow outside. i didn't think we'd get any. it was fifty degrees outside around 10 last night. for anyone who knows nebraska weather, you know that's just plain messed up.

our trip to little rock isn't that far away. i have to face my fear of flying again this year. i don't cry or anything but i do go into silent hysterics. the idea of breathing recycled air that's shared with other people for a few hours sicks me out. when i was on a plane back in may some dude farted and you could smell it the entire trip. fuuucked up. yeah, i don't like planes.

yay moving!!

after all of this flooding bullshit with my apartment, they've given the go ahead for us to transfer no strings attached. :) shouldn't be too bad cuz it's only one door step over. well, that and three floors up. :D

finally a one bedroom! you don't even have to listen to the other person breathing in the "other room!" lol

i sign the new lease on saturday and we've got a week to move. now i've got to do that whole address change junk again, find out how to transfer cable/internet services and all that fun jazz.

lesson of the day: i sometimes look older than i think i do.

a woman came up to me at target today thinking i was someone she went to school with. she was probally early to mid thirties at oldest. i had to laugh though because i'm almost 21. maybe her friend looked young for her age. (or i just looked older cuz i had just gotten off work, my hair was shitty, and i looked a mess...)she happened to be a mary kay representative and asked if i'd do a modeling thingy for her. i agreed, so at some point in time she's supposed to call me for that whole thing. i just hope it doesn't turn out like that whole hair show. ugh. if i ever try to do something like that again, just smack me.